Memorial Day & Memorial Gifts

Seventeen years ago my father died. He served in the Navy during WWII and then enlisted in the Air Force, retiring after 23 years of service. As many veterans, he did not share his wartime experiences with his family. Not being a veteran, nor serving in the military, I can only rely on books for an explanation for his silence. My Vietnam veteran friends keep their cards close the vest as well; although some have shared their stories, mostly painful, all heroic, in this non-soldier’s mind.

This Memorial Day I remember the dead, men and women who laid themselves down in sacrifice, often too young. We will say that they died for country. The combat soldiers who have shared with me say that the “big picture” was seldom talked about. It was their unit, their brother’s lives that mattered. Keeping your brother alive was job one. Those relationships were intimate and not easily talked about. Maybe that’s the reason for Dad’s silence. For some, Memorial Day, a day to remember, might not be so celebratory if you still have survivors guilt or painful nightmares yet put to sleep.

I miss my Dad, and as my brother once said, “I think of him fondly but I also find myself looking to him and measuring myself to him.” Each Christmas, my brothers and our wives, give a gift to a veterans’ organization in memory and in honor of our parents who served. These gifts of honor and memory have a special purpose in that they stir within us: emotions, reflections, and even prayers.

For the professional advisor, helping an individual, or family, to find a qualified charity, or to facilitate a planned gift to a favorite charity that honors a loved one’s life is both a service and a gift. Nothing is more rewarding than to connect and link a memory of a loved one with an act of generosity. It is our higher calling, to be part of the healing process of grief.